Lights, Camera, Drama!

When the Drama Queen starts to speak, it’s a mixture of fear and fascination. It’s a performance. And you are a captive audience. They have you exactly where they want.

These people wear their heart on their sleeve, which they use to wipe aware the tears that flow every time they open their mouth. The goal of the Drama Queen is to get a reaction from the audience. They will talk endlessly until they feel like they have “connected” with the audience.

They will also seek validation by adding or creating drama to an issue. The results are either more conflict at the meeting—or more likely—leaving the audience speechless from fatigue. Either way, the Drama Queen steals the spotlight from the discussion.

Exit Stage Right…

• The real audience for the Drama Queen is themselves. These people are unsure of their opinions, and Drama Queens crave external validation. Don’t give it to them. Without any applause or feedback, they will learn that their performance doesn’t get them anywhere. They have to learn to trust themselves.

• Asking a Drama Queen for their opinion is asking for trouble. Don’t give them a stage. They will create their own drama – try to avoid adding to it. Thank them plainly for their input and move on.

• Drama Queens are often unaware of anything but themselves and least of all the time. They often rely on others to steer them. Don’t hesitate to tell them bluntly that time has run out...even if it’s a few seconds early.

• The internal spotlight of the Drama Queens blinds them to the needs of others around them. Reminding them that “It’s important that we hear from other people” is their cue to exit the stage.

• Drama Queens naturally take direction. When they learn to give up the tears and theatrics and present ideas – give them a big round of applause. Reward the ideas not the performance.

Sound familiar?

Meeting monsters haunting your meetings and making everyone afraid to talk? There is help. Contact me for a path into the light

Problem: These folks have heard it all before. Or maybe not. Either way, they are not interested in listening, much less supporting whatever is being discussed.

Cynics radiate negativity that can infect other meeting members and stifle discussion.

Nothing is worth it. Nothing will work out. Nothing is ever good enough.

That’s because they don’t actually trust their own ideas – and dismissing other people’s ideas justifies their own insecurity.

Solution: Laughter is the best medicine here. “We all have dumb ideas – what’s your dumb idea?” This levels the playing field and makes it easier for the cynic to express ideas. Make it clear that the entire group is in this together. Sometimes we have winning ideas and sometimes we have losing ideas – but it is our duty to try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sound familiar? Tell us!

Meeting monsters haunting your meetings and making everyone afraid to talk? Let us know below. We can help!

Meetings are magic. Even when facing clear facts, our decisions are ultimately based on myriad emotions, opinions and rationales, the result of shifting conditions and circumstances.

For all the discussion in advance–in person or online–you never know what will happen when when the doors close, and everyone comes together face-to-face to make a decision. New insights or old grudges can surface and transform the debate.

Issues predicted to fail can stage a last minute “Hail-Mary pass” – and pass. Other decisions considered a “slam dunk” – land right on the garbage heap of failure.

That’s because the decision itself and the debate behind it does not belong to any single person. Once a proposal has been put forward for discussion by the group, it belongs to the group. And once the proposal passes or fails, it is the entire group that must take responsibility.

So, make sure you look before you leap forward with a proposal:

1. Are you reinventing the wheel? Was this idea already addressed? This is particularly important for for newcomers. Rehashing old issues can create unnecessary drama…leading to disappointment.
   
2. Does your proposal have a tangible benefit? The fights are always vicious when the stakes are low. Trivial matters can trigger everyone’s ego…and defenses when there’s nothing to lose.
   
3. Can you clearly articulate your idea? Half-baked proposals usually wind up in the trash. They are also often an open-call for endless amendments…leaving you far from your starting point.
   
4. Is this your ego talking? It’s easy to get attached to an idea. Make sure that you are prepared to accept being on the losing side.

With these tips in mind, you might not be able to count your chickens before they hatch, but you can avoid the worst cockfights!

There’s a saying, “People prefer simple answers to complex problems, even when they are wrong.”

But leaders understand the value of tolerating complexity and ambiguity.

Few things in life are fixed…except birth and death. All the rest is dependent on the circumstances around us. Each time we try to control those circumstances or draw a line in the sand, the sand can often blow back in our eyes.

Here are a few tips to see through ambiguity clearly:

• Don’t be afraid to seek out a second opinion from another person group or expert. Don’t make decisions in a black box.
• Don’t be afraid to refer the issue entirely to another group or committee to address. That’s what they are their for. It’s a good use of time.
• Be willing to admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. Is the discussion based around hypotheticals instead of experience?
• Don’t feel rushed to come up with all the answers, either as the leader or as a board. If you are feeling rushed, you likely aren’t thinking as clearly as you think.
• Be patient. Sometimes the information you need is not yet available. Do you want to do it right or fast?
• Doing nothing *is* doing something. Often it’s the right thing to do.
• Something doesn’t necessarily have to be consistent or even logical to be right. It just has to solve the issue and achieve the desired outcome.
• Flexibility isn’t necessarily inconsistency. What worked in the past doesn’t always work in the future. The world isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Half of the art of speaking involves the art of listening. Some people prefer to listen before speaking. And others prefer to speak before listening. The job of the Facilitator is to ensure that Listeners get a chance to speak, and Speakers actually stop to listen. Here’s how:

• Set time limits for speaking and stick to them
• Make sure no one speaks twice until everyone has had a chance to speak
• Vary who gets to speak first by going around the table, starting with different people
• Call out the quiet ones specifically and prompt them to say what is on their mind. Most of the time, their initial impressions are correct, they are just afraid to express them.